A New Direction

I left my job last June, and it's been an interesting year. I reflected, started projects, abandoned projects, looked for work, started companies, and traveled. I've journaled plenty, but I haven't done a proper retro or reflection on the past 9 months. It's easy for me to stay zoomed in on daily reflections, but reviewing it all holistically hopefully shows some interesting patterns.

I was previously at a startup since 2017, and by the end of my tenure, I had lost a sense of direction for what I love doing. I'm a creative person who likes to build-- I'm not someone who prefers to direct others and sit back. An ideal place is one where a group of people can identify a problem and build a solution together, not a top-down approach. That provides low autonomy, which is something people need to have to feel empowered and happy. I'll say I need it to feel empowered and happy.

Working at places like this never supported an entrepreneurial spirit-- one where you identify a problem, consider solutions, and build one. If it fails, you build another. And maybe another after that. Traditional work doesn't support freedom, but it does support consistency and control. Comfort too, to an extent.

I moved 9 times in the first 15 years of my life, and to survive I learned how to please others and be self-sufficient. I didn't spend enough time on things I was really excited about. Spending the majority of your time pleasing others makes it difficult to identify the things that get your heart rate up, things that genuinely excite you.

I've found in this past 9 months that I wasn't so far off from what I really love to do. I love to build things, solve puzzles, listen and play music. I love airplanes and outer space. I'm also learning how to listen to my body and my heart more, since I'm an expert at overthinking pretty much everything. Overthinking has seeped into my relationships with my family, wife, daughter, and myself. Overthinking keeps you from action, from experimenting. Stopping your brain long enough to try something new, whether the hesitantcy is due to fear or uncertainty, is important. Action allows failure to occur, and failure shows what parts are true to you.

Putting music on, getting into a flow state, and creating something out of nothing is at the apex of what makes me happy. If I can do that to help others, that's a life worth living.